The Past Reflects The Future

用朋友的话作为对2004的祭奠


“不用去面对一些苦难
可是回到现实，仍然要面对这些我们宁愿背对的东西
可是我们还是相信生活，相信自己，相信爱情
所以，04我们收获的是一种优美的平衡，既坚持曾经坚持的，还能继续歌唱
因为最后的归宿都是自我的提升和圆满


05我们依然相伴，一起享受人生的四季和幸福生活
在幸福和苦难中体味生活的点滴
只要我们一直相信
我们所选择的，比我们放弃的要好得多”


有一句话富于哲理，“过去是对未来的映射。” 站得更高些或许可以说成，“历史总是会相似的。”
1.1.05 16:56


What did the numb toes say?

"I'm completely out of my senses.I numb with the damn cold and I'm defunct but hopefully I may come to in next,say,10 or 20 minutes--that depends on how fast my manipulator's brain functions and how fast the upper limb work.


"This crap suceeded doing an all nighter without the help of coffee,usually gallons of coffee.But,he failed to keep me simply WARM!How could he has committed such a godforsaken crime?!I'll cut myself off from this irresponsible body with an even worse blood circulation system and escape.Where to go?Some place warm,maybe or maybe not.If only I could stay warm."


Lines above are the complaining gibberish of my Toes.This good lad reminded me I should use some routine sleep.See you in 7 hours.
2.1.05 22:32


The Sunset

Last afternoon,after sitting still with my eyes rivetted straight to the display for more than 4 hours,I lifted my gaze away and looked out of the window to give it a rest.Suddenly this inspiring beautiful scene of sunset urged me to the top of building and I captured the following two pictures.Which one do you guys think is better?




 
3.1.05 11:13


Still under pressure

In the intervals of examinations,I came to this internet cafe not far from campus,just to give it a brake and atfer a while to refuel for the coming exams respectively arrives during afternoon and evening.That's all.
4.1.05 04:53


Nothing really Chapter 1

Any open book exam in this age/era/moment/hour,in this great nation,no matter what the subject is about,or no matter how easy it might be,deserves only one word:nonsense.Not only the outcome--even the most ignorant,most clueless,and those who cut every class are stupid enough to get high marks--but the whole process.


 A cellphone alarm is always trustworthy,which wakes you up every morning on presetted hours.At 6:30 last morning,it rang.I grabbed it,made it dumb,tossed it lying beside the pillow and returned to my dream again.But the phone was on.The phone was on since 3:00am,after I was awakened by a horrible dream--I turn it on to check time.


After another dream,I thought it was time to wake up.Grabbing again the cellphone,pressing on the side button,I saw a "7:30" displaying on the screen.At the nick of time,a text message from a classmate reminding me exam time was just around the corner arrived.I could tell there was a spinal chill hitted every of my nerves,making me completely awake--the exam was starting in 20 minutes.


"What the f***!!"


I should have been crowned the anual "Fastest Dressing Up" title.At least the time spent on getting me dressed broke my personal record.Less than 30 seconds if correct.(Be aware my friends,it is cold winter and it takes quite a while to be fully dressed up.)Afterwards,I dashed out,run onto the street,stopped a cab and got in.No gargling,no breakfast,even no morning piss,I was like a holy crap.


(To be continued)
4.1.05 19:41


Nothing really Chapter 2

Paralyzed on the back seat of the cab,I was totally blank-minded.At a time like this,the only thing concerns you is how long it takes to get arrived.Blissfully enough,the traffic condition last morning was quite good and there were no rush hour congestions that routinely make a show.After about only 10 minutes,the cab arrived at the school gate.Then I got charged,opened the door,stepped out and slammed the door.Afterwards,I gave it another 100 meters sprint--straight to the classroom where 69 lads were about to be gathered for a collective work out.


"What the hurry,still have time.The exam is not yet starting."


Bumping into this guy who was roming along the sidewalk in just the opposite direction,I was yet again hit by another spinal chill and almost fainted all over.


"Shit!Oh shit,it's you.Damnit!I thought I'm getting late and might possibly miss it."


"No hurry,I'm grabbing a bite to eat.There are still lots of available seats out there,take your time." 


... ...


Piling into the dismal lecture theater lit only by four lights out of eight,I sat grumpily at one of the available rows  where I was joined by several of my blissful classmates who had already been heavily armed with "WMD"--notes and textbooks that are indispensable in a open book exam.


"God!I forgot to bring my notes!"


(To be continued)
5.1.05 09:39


Time out--out of "Nothing really" series

昨天，是值得纪念的一天：本人在国内学生时代的所有大小考试宣告结束。
对于我，一个时代结束了。
告别让人厌恶的课堂
告别碌碌无为的平庸
告别无数挑灯奋战的夜晚
告别辛勤耕耘的汗水
告别僵硬体制下的扭曲人格
告别所有虚假与欺诈
告别居心叵测者的嘴脸
告别自负者的傲慢与偏见
告别自卑者的懦弱与恭维
告别现实中的精神荒漠
告别梦想中的世外桃源
告别相互依偎的爱恋
……
我就只差说告别自己的大学生活了。LOL
5.1.05 20:20


Crimson River 2:Angels of The Apocalypse




I confess I was almost an idiot about French movies before this one.I've long heard about Luc Besson and his gift on story telling.Crimson River 2 is just the one among many other of his great works that speaks of and adds up more to the gift.


Right after gormandizing the movie,I googled it and holped that I could turn up with some pages providing insights or review.But most of the pages ended me up in dismay until I singled out a summary that cheered me up.It goes like this:


Commissioner Neimans' day is going from bad to worse. The body he found in a monastery seems to point to a ritualistic sacrifice and a portent of something strange coming. At the same time, young police captain Reda finds a man in agony who's an exact DNA match for Christ. Reda quickly finds out his case is directly linked to Neimans'. But is the Apocalypse really starting, as all signs seem to indicate?


My first reaction upon this was a smile.It's simply like this:how could modern technology verify a DNA match for Christ?I mean how could they possibly have a DNA bank where Jesus Christ opened his account?In Christ's age there was even no electricity to make a DNA test machine work,let alone give the Holy Jesus a blood analysis.Is this a French version of being humorous?Somebody tells me? 


Apart from this little confusion,the movie itself is great.Unlike Hollywood commercial masterpieces which are sometimes more of idealistic purpose,or which advocate violence,sex,materialism,etc.that only entertain people's primitive needs,French movies(including many European and Asian ones) concerns more about human nature and many other important issues.The way in which the story goes on is more fascinating than that of Hollywood,which seems to be copied again and again from one template.One would never be clueless enough and fail to tell what the coming episode might going to be.But these are not likely to happen when you are watching a French movie,especially psychedelic dramas alike that may leave you with plenty of uncertainties.If one episode missed or it were just some pieces of conversation,chances are that you end up fascinated at best and confused at worst.Perhaps that is what great movies should be like.


A worth seeing film and a wonderful night.More French movies(or those non-mainstream ones of other countries) will be on my list.
6.1.05 19:37


道不同勿相与谋&女性身体的

印度洋海啸，自然灾害，人类的共同灾难。在面对这场灾难时，人类近乎泯灭的同情、怜悯之心没有被巨大的海浪吞没，反而被重新唤醒。近几日国内各阶层在踊跃向受灾地区捐助的同时，另一种声音又吸引了我们的注意力：是否应该援助印尼？


百度了一下“反对援助印尼”，各种网络意见不绝于耳。不过大体上还是分为“赞成”与“反对”两派意见，尽管各自的理由不一定相同。我的观点很简单：


第一，出于人类最基本的良知和同情怜悯之心，捐助都是义不容辞的；
第二，“以德报怨”乃堂堂中华民族的千年美德；
第三，所有说“反对”的人，多多少少都没有具备一个“大国”国民应当具备的大国心态。


对于美国媒体拿这件事兴风作浪，说美国是如何如何重视救灾的，还请了两个前总统出来讲；中国的反应速度稍慢就说中国是如何如何还配不上一个地区大国，而中国捐助到达以后又说捐助的数量还是比不上美国，说中国在亚太的地位还是不如美国。美国不但能出的很多钱，还有投送能力，…… 所有这些被意识形态思维所支配、在西方语境中孤芳自赏的美国媒体评论，我只觉好笑。这种时刻，所有的争辩与偏执都是对于西方以自我为中心、以支配者自居心态的强有力注释。而所有针对这些无端指责的反对与谴责之声都是多余且可笑的。


道不同，勿相与谋。


除开捐助本身，我也想到了另外一点：1998年5月间，印度尼西亚爆发的有组织、有预谋的集体排华骚乱时，受难者中男性的命运全部是被杀，而女性，则几乎无一例外的受到毫无人性的性攻击；有些甚至在受到凌辱之后被肢解分尸。根据一些印尼民间团体的事后估计，在当年5月的冲突中，共有一百六十八宗集体强奸案发生（印尼政府只承认十六宗），一千二百名华人死亡。


事实上，在人类历史中，这类在战争或民族冲突中强暴女性的行为屡见不鲜。而历史上对女性的性侵犯总是伴随着一个种族对另一个种族进行的攻击或入侵行动。例如，1991年爆发与南斯拉夫诸共和国独立之后的民族战争，塞尔维亚军队在克罗地亚和波黑占领区除了进行“种族清洗”外，也曾当众和集体强奸妇女；中国现代史上日军侵华对于南京的屠城以及整个侵略过程中对于整个中华民族的灭族式杀戮和强暴，更是人类历史上最黑暗、最残无人性的暴行之一。我参考了一些资料，仔细读过后得出的结论是：


1 在男权社会中，女性被当作男性的附属物，冲突双方的男性对于对方族群女性的性侵犯并非出于欲望，而是出于对对方男性心理和精神上的攻击；


2 女性作为一个民族纯洁性的代名词（当然是正常思维下所谓的“纯洁”），其受到的攻击和伤害并非仅仅对于肉体，而是对于一个民族“领土完整”、“纯洁性”的攻击；


“女性的身体在民族战争中是战场的一部分，侵犯民族主权或自主性与强暴女体之间、占领土地与“占领”妇女子宫之间，似乎可以划上等号。换句话说，入侵者强行对“它者”领土的“进入”（penetration)可以理解为一种“阳具”霸权行为。”（《强暴、战争与民族主义》 陈顺馨著，原载于《读书》杂志，一九九九年三月刊）这种逻辑似乎也可以用弗洛伊德的“阳具崇拜”理论来解释？（Idea of male preoccupation with size）


3 男权社会语境下，女性的身体被赋予一个民族“母体”的象征意义，在这个意义上，一个社会的心理架构是非常“女性化”的。从小到大谁没听过“中国，我伟大的母亲”或与之类似的感叹？在这种时刻，女性作为一个民族母体功能的载体，其象征意义远远大于实际意义。侵犯“母亲”，自然就是侵犯了整个民族。


无意中将“女性”输入电子词典，惊讶的得到了好几种不同的注释：fair sex, female, feminie, soft sex, the fair sex, the weaker sex, womenfolk 。无论是何种构词法，其背后的思维仍是男权社会的产物。最具有讽刺意味的是“the fair sex”这种说法，非要在sex前加上fair？


无论女权主义者如何的抗争，以下的事实仍无可争辩：


第一，无论时代怎样变迁，男女始终都不同；


第二，女人是天生的，女性的“第二性”屈辱地位却是后天生成的，是男权社会的产物。


灾难过后的集体失语、集体失意似乎是人类的通病。不然这些灾难、暴行为何一再重演？


写不下去了，去银行捐款。推荐一篇文章：http://www.cngdsz.net/discourse/article_print.asp?articleid=485 即陈顺馨所著《强暴、战争与民族主义》。正是这篇文章将“女权主义”思想注入到时年仍在读高中的我的大脑中。

9.1.05 09:27


Communicate? Give me a good reason or leave me alone

Dad wanted me to go to this small banquet and talk with this guy who reterned home some 15 days ago for his fabulous mother's birthday.The reason?HE was my Dad's highschool classmates and one of his best friends and HE is going back to the States tommorow and I really should take the chance to communicate with HIM and share some of HIS experiences how HE strived hard to get a Ph.D and managed to have HIS white foreign boss kiss HIS ass in a really LARGE multinational company,and to think for myself what my career should be like--HE reflects my future.Could HE?Absurd!


Honestly I really like HIM and I don't mean to get into such a profane language.What disgusted me was the flattery my omniscient endearing parents imposed on me right in front of the attendees at the birthday party.How hard-working I am,how persevering I could be even in the toughest time under the worst situation,ect.So what?These may all be the truth but I'm not a born superman.If they want to make clear how excellent their son is and demonstrate the son could go through even a burning coalmine to pursue his own dream by studying abroad and after which be successful ,they should simply keep their mouths shut and let the son prove it himself.But they didn't.And what does "successful" mean anyway?Piles of money to spend?Supreme social status wanted by any utilitarian crap?


Sometimes our parents tend to make comparison of their children with those of others' and seldom miss a chance to blow.At times like these,we are no longer their kids but products--well bred organic products only for showing off.I'm afraid I won't find another joke more hilarious or ridiculous than this one.


About half an hour ago I found myself a stupid excuse to stay away from their inviting me to the farwell dinner.Not that I wanted to stay away from HIM but that I wanted to stay away from another flattery show from my parents or what-you-should/shouldn't-dos from any one,which might possibly occur during the dinner.Call me a stubborn dumbhead,but this is just my nature and will be even more so when pissed off.


I will make myself a nutrious dinner later and call HIM and offer my apology for absence.Of course I'll have to lie which is something I don't want it to happen.After all,I'm just a damned kid looking for my own peace of mind.


Communicate?Or communicate for me?Give me one good reason,or please simply leave me alone.I'm not a guy fond of offering counterfeit smile or insincere wish to any one.I'd rather die.Yes,I am adament,obstinate,stubborn,rigid,hypocritical and STUPID
10.1.05 12:12


On the platform


Looking into your eyes from distance


My aching heart sighing


Gazing at me from the window


Your long-tired soul weeping


 fficeffice" />


How many sleepless nights


With your soaked face


How many helpless hours


For the fading sunlight


 


Another goodbye


Or the ultimate farewell


Both on God’s humor


Only wind blows the tears


 


Your vision blurs


As the train proceeds


Standing on the platform


A long cold winter ahead


 


 


 


The debut English poem by the Holy Crap Mikez.See?Any illiterate can write a plangent poem like this(if it is a poem).


 
12.1.05 20:00


This is what BULLSHIT really means


I hypersnapped this pic before sleep.A junk mail from nowhere,yet an annoying behavior by some retards,in the name of  "bringing more light to the poor and the less priviledge".Thirteen Million and Eight Handred Thousand Dollars?Any one believes this?Oh yes,some hypocritical Yankees would,and might the GOP Bush be the spearhead!LOL
12.1.05 20:38


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