短暫的喘息

實習報告終于抄完，雙學位論文也最終定稿，明天的答辯僅僅是過場。“學生的多少涉及到錢的問題……”這是昨天下午交論文的時候，導師一不小心在我們面前說漏嘴的話。這一屆雙學位人數非常多，學校的收成應該很好吧。


今天一天跑了三個售樓中心，拿了一大堆資料。別誤會，我是進行市場調查，現在是畢業實習階段。老師讓我們扮成買房的，搜集相關樓盤的信息。爲了讓自己看起來更“成熟”，我特地穿了西裝。無奈今天天氣太熱，西裝穿了沒多久就脫了。好在那些售樓中心的的接待人員都相當客氣，有兩個還讓我留了聯係方式……其實我是這麽說的：我剛工作一年，父母準備給我付首付，月供我自己還。看來這一招還挺管用。


這就是商業生態，我不騙你就被你騙。可用不了多久我就不用這麽委屈自己了。想想去年暑假在上海的實習，我還抱著主流的心態和思維，只想著學好這個專業，畢業之後就能進入月薪5000乃至更高的行業。而現在，心裏隻剩下對自己的鄙視。


嗯，有一點還是客觀存在的：武漢的房價很很很很實惠。133平的三房，單價2900，總價不過38.8萬，20年按揭月供僅僅1790；218平的錯層住宅，兩層樓，單價3598，總價784724元，20年按揭月供3716.82元。北京上海的朋友們看了別眼紅。3598在上海連動遷房都買不到，而2900估計只能買木屋了。
1.4.05 15:53


A moment to remember


我承認我一直都很落伍。那麽就讓我一直落伍下去吧。


除此之外，看完這“正統的文藝片”，讓我更加確信現在的中國人越來越不會講故事了。
3.4.05 21:30


My offensive honesty

In about two weeks or so, the internship session required by our department will end. Final task the dissertation will then be followed as a conclusion for my four-year college life.


As the internship is under a real estate consulting project, last week we were assigned to do some market research on six different real estate projects, including collecting some relevant data as well as information of each of their specific locations. Each of our teams were required to summarize its findings in the form of  a reserch report based on the data and information collected, and to hand it in on next meeting.


This Monday morning, I arrived on time to the company, a local real estate consulting firm, which is affiliated to the School of Civil Engineering and Architecture. The meeting prearranged two days before was about to begin on 9:30. When waiting for others to come, I talked to the girls who arrived right after me, asking if they wrote the report as I did. I thought I would expect their affirmative answer, but I didn't.


 After about ten minutes, all of the others arrived. We then sat around the table for the meeting.


"So what are your findings? I want each of you to state briefly. Ok, let's start from you." Our mentor, boss of this firm, then had his glasses-covered eyes on me.


Upon his words, I started to give my statement and handed my report. It was a simple report, containing only a table filled out with some boring numbers. Deep down, I was worried about the quality of my findings during my statement and was afraid if the report were too simple to be qualified. I didn't in the least have a clue what satisfaction or dissatisfaction would be offered me.I said along, recklessly and rapidly.


And then, ladies and gentlemen, something weird and frustrating was about to happen. If you are my fellow Chinese, you will find the coming situations all too familiar.


"Your report,please." Boss requested before the next student starting her statement, looking at her as if he was convinced we had all come with a report.


"I didn't do it ..." She replied with a guilty look on her face.


"Have you not written a report? You all haven't?" Boss had a detectable turn of  mood.


Silence.


"Well, I have to say you didn't finish your task. We're not going on with the meeting any more. I'll say something else."


That "something else" was much of a lecturing process. Boss scolded them, requesting their reports in two days. I sat there, with my head drooped. Not that I felt guilty. I didn't have to. I simply didn't want to see those empty faces, knowing full well that when the meeting got over, I was definately going to be the target, no matter how "good" friends we used to be. I knew, from a common perspective based on the Chinese rules of interpersonal relation, I had offended them, although unintentionally.


Situation like this is just less than too common in this country and you really couldn't care less. But when it hit you in the face, you become panic in fear that revengeful measures would be taken by those feel offended. Even if you didn't actually do anything wrong, you began to doubt whether it's worthwhile. What's worse, right things don't seem to be correct any more.


The reason? Because saving face is almost everything for them, for most Chinese. Including the omniscient government.


Like what I had anticipated, all of them gave me their cold face on the way back to school. The fat guy from Beijing, a sife-righteous loudmouth, made innuendo by talking to another guy. I knew no explaination would help, nor would any excuse. I ignored it, pretending not hearing his words. I kept silent, made no apology. Why should I? If what I did was incorrect, I would apologize from the bottom of my heart. But on this occasion, there was no way for me to do so.


No matter how indifferent I appeared to be, I have to admit I felt being insulted and I was extremely unhappy. But still, I gave my image of serenity. To have such a bastard around is perhaps the worst thing one could ever meet. There are only two ways out: a) getting defiled gradually and being a rascal oneself; b) staying far away from them. Who knows, maybe neither would work. For as long as you live with this ancient civilization developed the most complicated rules of interpersonal relation in the world, there is no where to hide. And I know it. I am up against a wall here.


The rest of that day brought me little amusement. After the "offensive thing", I was in the theories of suffering some kind of anger of what to do. The fat guy's exasperating chants echoed in my ears, distracting me from time to time when I tried to focus, as if the whole damn world pivotted on my cerebral anger-driven actions.


I have my own peace of mind, all will pass. And I know I must not be as serious as a rigid idealist. So I'll take a "don't give a damn" attitude when my offensive honesty spills over again. One thing is for sure: I would never compromise to the point of not being myself.
8.4.05 22:11


Recent ...

想了半天不知道recent後面跟個什麽詞，能夠比較清晰的表達「進來的動向」這麽個意思。act? deed? event? 統統不合我意。哪個牛人幫我組織一下語言？我的腦子開始不好使了。


下面開始記錄最近的一些動向/動作：


1. 拼了血本花了RMB 1,300報了最善於鼓噪和煽情的NOS。看清楚了，不是ONS。我還是比較純情的兒童，這種很容易一不小心留下後代的SB行爲是為我所不齒的。杜雷斯？傑士邦？咱中國人好像對這些玩意兒不怎麽感興趣吧？！好了好了不胡扯了。報了新東方的雅思，五月份到七月初。


2. 看了一部老電影Enemy At The Gates. 記得一句對白：Don't spill it over on your way back, you Marxism bastard. 説話的是一口假牙的老狙擊手，被Staling的獨裁整到了近乎偏執的地步。蘇聯的教條和專制對中國的毒害太深了。Jude Law的演出似乎平淡，但也真實。作爲一部意識形態色彩濃厚的電影，『兵臨城下』將人性的弱點淋漓盡致的揮灑出來。這是任何正統的文藝片所無法表現的。當個人的、家庭的命運被政治所左右、被國家機器所操縱，黑暗也就降臨了。


3. 臨近畢業，所有人都無比渙散。學校似乎已經迫不及待想趕我們走了，畢竟我們身上的油水已經被榨幹了。慢著，那些讀研的還要繼續被壓榨。先表示哀悼。畢業設計快開始了。總會有人認認真真老老實實埋頭苦幹，也會有人見風使舵拷貝加粘貼。姿態最傲慢的依舊是學校。明明是形式是過場卻也硬要給自己披上「爲人師表」的外衣，只是這外衣的光輝早已黯淡，剩下襤褸一身。


4. 突然發現我已經長時間處於亞健康狀態：耳鳴、嗜睡、視力下降、體力不佳……可是近兩天陰雨不斷，想運動也只能往後拖一拖了。勸戒網蟲們，身體是一生幸福的基礎。電腦顯示屏的殺傷力絕對不亞於抽煙酗酒。有機會定要鍛煉身體，切莫將健康視作兒戲。


5. 關於前天的反日遊行。仍然是北京的高校帶頭，其他城市的院校響應。我的態度：消極的認可。除了情緒的釋放，有多少實質的内容？多少人慷慨激昂的喊完「抵制日貨」之後依舊是拿著日本人的產品招搖過市？過剩荷爾蒙的催化產生了國人亢奮的民族情緒，可又有多少人冷靜下來理智思考更好的解決辦法？在反日這件事上，國人依舊表現出狹隘的小國民心態。就仿佛一個無能的小孩兒被一個流氓無賴反反復復欺負來欺負去，自己被打得滿頭包卻無力還手，成天叫嚷著要復仇，卻不知道臥薪嘗膽練就一身武藝。長期的政治運動和揮之不去的陰影讓現在年輕人的思維異常簡單。就像一個潑婦，誰要是罵了她、惹了她，她就開始耍潑。除了惡語相擊還是惡語想擊，到了真正要幹架的時候卻又縮手縮腳了。缺乏理性的抗議，是會落人笑柄的。大陸臺灣概莫能外。商店砸完了，工廠砸完了，下一步砸什麽？


在同齡人身上，我看不到民主。


 
11.4.05 18:39


When apology becomes a luxury

After lunch, I turned on my computer, opened the China Blog List at Sinosplice for some kind of "discovery", hoping for some inspiration. I clicked several links and quickly found myself immersed in an arguement over the recent outburst of Anti-Japan protests throughout Mainland China. At first, I tried to refrain any possibility of getting too political and avoid getting involved with the issue, which after a while, became a total vain attempt. Yet still, I risk my face for slaps by bursting into the following profanity.


In recent days, protests and demonstrations against Japan bursted out in many Mainland cities, including Beijing, Xi'an, Chengdu, Guangzhou, Shenzhen, etc., organized and joined mostly by college and university students. The protests were mainly aimed at new history textbooks approved by Tokyo, in which Japan' s WWII atrocities in China and other Asian victim countries were revised, distorted by the right wing group in Japan. Apart from the textbook, other important reasons are:


1) Territorial dispute for Diaoyu Island in East China Sea.                                                                


2) Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi's repeated visits to the Yukusuni Shrine, where Japan's war criminals lie in hallowed state.                                                                                                         


3) Japan's ambition for a permanent seat in the UN Security Council.                                              


4) Most importantly, Japan's attitude on her WWII crimes.


Here, I' ll offer to give my personal views on these issues, including the textbook dispute.


I haven't seen the contraversial textbook, nor any of its content. But from the angry protestors both in China and South Korea, it is no doubt the Japanese revisionists, namely their right wing group, has irritated people in both the two countries (including other Asian victims I believe) by revising, or shall we say distorting Imperialism Japan's WWII atrocities. Apart from the truth, I mean the revision, I see no "real truth" of history. And it's quite safe to say that every country distorts its own history, and its history with other countries, for the sake of government' s propaganda that completely, partly, or mildly brainwash its people. Do you believe the real purpose of American Civil War was to abolish slavery, the reason that often fascinated common Americans? To be blunt, abolishing slavery was just an excuse for the legitimacy of the war started by the North, the war aimed at secession by the South. And as to China, the government revised part of its history, too. See what the government did in the pro-democracy demonstration in 1989. Would there be any possibility to read from the official-approved history textbooks what really happened around then? Hardly any.


But, what the Japanese revisionists did to their textbooks is just inexcusable. Despite the many criticisms by Western media for the "sheer racism", on which I will give my comment later, of Chinese  demonstrators, China, including Taiwan, has her resent towards Japan's invasion and the atrocities perpetrated rooted deep, which DOES NOT come out of nowhere. Ask those wartime Comfort Women that survived. Ask the countless victims that are still living in East Aian and Southeast Asia. Ask those who are living in the shadow of fear and shame after the Nanjing Massacre wrought by the Japanese Imperial Army in 1937. Would any of them forgive what the revisionists have done?


Many western bloggers have criticised the "sheer racism" of the young demonstrators, which is by no means a good sign. I confess the government might be the one to blame who cultivated the racism. It is an old hand to use foreign issues to let go of public anger towards domestic problems. Or rather, the racism owes a great lot to the political isolation, with only propaganda by official media on sensitive issues to be at hand and almost no source for different voices.


Now back to Japan. I was stunned by the almost-unanimous supports showed for Japan and the self-righteous bash on the Chinese protests those western bloggers have. Yes, there were violence. There were store windows being cracked and there were even people hurt. So there are in rest of the world. These would of course make China look bad. As I' ve stated before, the government is an old hand to stir up nationalism or racism and use it as a politial tool. But these could never be excuses to let go of Japan and make it a seemingly "victim". There is a clear line of demarcation separating Japan's WWII atrocites and China's authoritarian or nationalism or whatever.


All resent against Japan, including the territorial disputes, the repeated visits to the Yukusuni Shrine, or its recent ambition to become a permanent member of the UNSC, boils down to Japan's refusal to admit her WWII crimes. I know that upon seeing this, some westerners might scoff at me and call me one of those brainwased who were untold of the "fact" that "Japan's Emperors or Prime Ministers have made their apologies on different occasions." Or rather, some self-righteous westerners might dum the Chinese people as "backward-looking". I wonder how they come up with such strange conclusions. Have you ever read any OFFICIAL APOLOGY given by the Japanese government? The so-called "apologies" were all PERSONAL ones without global recongnition. And that's completely DIFFERENT! Think about the causality!


Horst Koehler, the German President, stated early this year in the Israeli Knesset,
“I want to underline that the responsibility for the Shoah forms part of the German identity”. Are you thinking that any Chinese victim would expact the Japanese Emperor or the Prime Minister to say in the National Congress, “I want to underline that the responsibility for the Nanjing Massacre and the Tragedy of the Comfort Women forms part of the Japanese identity”?


Or perhaps not? Are those "apologies" made to you westerners? Or would you be so kind as to find out the written form and show it to all Asian victims?


In Germany it is a crime to deny the Holocaust. While in Japan,  her wartime aggression and atrocities are glossed over, even today, as "an advance into Asia" as part of the participative "Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere". Japan blames evereyone, including the USA, for her invasion and occupation of China and other parts of Asia. She has conveniently forgotten that the US embargo of material had been a result of her aggression in China and the Korean peninsula. More over, we see no will of official apology but the repeated visits by Japanese leaders to the Yukusuni Shrine, where Japan's war criminals lie in hallowed state- those very criminals and murderers who were the real hounds of hell in China, Korea and elsewhere in Southeast Asia. I wonder why the hell are there so many defence of Japan?? What are you likely to be pissed off  if any German leader poses in Nazi salutation?


To make comparisons of the autocratic CCP government with evil Japan is just NOT apt. Is this part of your western spill of HYPOCRICY???


To those westerners: evil must be spoken against, especially unrepentant evil as the Japanese variety, and those self-righteous onlookers.


To my fellow Chinese: face up to our own history and stay rational. Use your brain first before next demonstration. Also, Japan is not a one-dimensional cupboard as those racists thought. There are people of great sense of justice in Japan that help accuse their own government and her wartime crimes. Some of them are under threat of the right wing group for what they do. Know this and earn real respect from rest of the world. 
13.4.05 23:05


我還能說什麽

以下内容為轉帖。


日本人越智松人的一段話： 　　 　　　
　 


    1997年起我在印尼的雅加達工作，目睹了1998年5月份的暴動過程，通過我住的酒店的窗戶，能看到當地華人被洗劫的情況。居我們大使館的人員介紹有幾百名華裔女性被當地人強姦、毒打和虐待，男人則被砍掉了腦袋！我坐的汽車也被搶劫者盤問過，問我們是不是華人，當我們用日語回答時，他們揮揮手就把我們放行了。在印尼富有的外僑並不是華裔，而是我們日僑，所以找替罪羊的說法是華人的自我安慰，當地人之所以選擇華裔開刀- -因爲組織發動襲擊的人明白，不會有任何人爲這些被害者作主。事實上他們的選擇是正確的，至今也不知道誰是最終的主謀，也不會有人再去過問，這一切將成爲歷史，無論中國的大陸，還是臺灣都不敢得罪印尼。當時，只有新加坡竭盡全力的幫助華裔，新加坡樟宜國際機場到處都是從印尼逃亡出來的華人，新航爲此加開了一倍班次，來救援被洗劫的印尼華人。長期以來新加坡一直是印尼華人的避難之地，也是華裔心目中的天堂。別說華裔，印尼甚至不允許中國使館的工作人員乘飛機離開，儘管當時印尼和香港之間的航線還沒有取消，中國使館的全體人員只能登上汽車，長途跋涉從泗水港乘船至新加坡。可笑的是一些華裔還在希望中國駐印尼大使館爲華僑提供適當援助。 　　 　　
   


    我們日本外務省早前就提醒日本僑民及旅遊者不要出席大型聚會，不要外出。政府舉行了緊急會議，討論撤出在印尼的13600名日本僑民和大約7000名觀光客，日本政府非常擔心日僑的安全，防衛廳爲撤僑擬定了詳細的計劃，並且即時展開各種情報搜集及分析工作，確保萬無一失。必要時將派出專機和自衛隊機，選定五處機場起降，我們自衛隊的C-130型運輸機在五處機場均能起降。所以我們在印尼的日本人和僑民一點也不緊張，緊張的只有日本政府。   
   


    中國也有所表示，因爲中國剛剛收回香港，必須至少在表面上作出應對。中國外交部發言人表示，中國已注意到印尼局部地區近日出現了一些Sao亂，對此表示關注，做爲印尼的近鄰，中國希望印尼能繼續保持社會穩定和民族和睦，以利於經濟的恢復和發展。中國外交部駐港特派員公署發表聲明，表示對在印尼的中國公民包括香港同胞的處境表示關注，中國駐印尼大使館將全力以赴爲 　　華僑提供領事保護和服務，發言人強調在5月14日一天有179 名香港公民向使館登記，均沒有受到襲擊，使館人員正試圖前往港商工廠與被困港人聯繫。中國駐印尼大使館雖然設立兩條熱線但無法應付需求。中國外交部駐港特派員公署發言人解釋說，中國駐印尼大使館只有25名工作人員，電話線只有五、六條，供不應求，連公署方面也無法打入。發言人說，25名使館人員已已經是不吃不睡的在工作，部分人專職接聽求助電話，部分人在機場爲滯留港人“買“機票，發言人強調使館派出專車拯救了70多名處境危急的港人逃出險境。他還繼續解釋，在這種特殊情況下，即使使館專車也不是所有地方都可以去，他呼籲港人一定要理解。   
   


    美國國防部表示如果有必要，準備爲想離開印尼的美國人提供軍事保護和支援。美國大使館敦促僑民離開雅加達，並安排兩架波音747包機，協助僑民撤離。馬來西亞派遣了兩架空軍運輸機前往雅加達接運僑民。除中國大陸以外，臺灣籍僑民有32000人準備撤離，臺灣長榮和華航增加專機前往雅加達，由於雅加達機票難求和哄擡票價，長榮航空指示印尼職員，對無現金支付機票的台商、旅客、僑民，可先登機，回台後再補交票款。國泰航空公司改派波音747客機飛行，每日增加200個機位，協助滯留在印尼的港人返港。 　　 　　
   


    據我瞭解，華裔自1995年起，一直是印尼的主要投資者。但在印尼，他們連三等公民都不是，我聽說在棉蘭有很多華人子女被綁架，女性被強暴。有一間華人經營的時裝店被搶劫後，店主11歲的女兒更被強姦，然後施暴者還以木棍插入女童下體，女童最終不治身亡。後來我開車去過華人的聚居區和商業中心，無一例外，整條街整條街的被洗劫一空，到處是斷壁殘垣。就是中國人記憶中的“三光政策”--“燒光、殺光、搶光”。我在參觀的過程中真正體會到自己做爲日本人是多麽的幸運，因爲這是活生生的暴力事件，而不是電影 劇本，哪些以前在影視鏡頭中看到的砍刀砍頭的鏡頭就活生生的發生在我住的城市，非常 震撼人的心靈，至今我都不能忘記。
   


    這是六年前發生的事，是發生在一個不發達的國家--印尼的事。我之所以爲日本人說這些，是要日本人民明白，你生爲日本和日本血統是多麽的幸運，因此每一個具有日本血統的人必須付出更多的努力，來報答自己的國家。中國是一個龐大的國家，但並不是一個強大的國家，強大的國家必須是從經濟，教育，人文，科技，價值觀等方面的綜合體現，在綜合實力方面根據我對中國的瞭解，日本至少領先中國100年，中國的局部地區的發展在經濟層面上已經縮小了這一距離，但大多數的地方依然落後。中國在六年前的表現是其實力的一次反應，那麽對於60多年前發生的事，也只能留在中國人的記憶之中，因爲除了中國，這一歷史已經被世界遺忘，包括我們日本。即便是在今天的臺灣，日本也有極大的影響力，雖然日本統制臺灣的時間很短，但日本在臺灣人的心中種下了深深懷念日本的種子。而對於中國，他們卻不知道檢討自身，不問一個問題，這是爲什麽？當我們關心每一個擁有日本血統的生命時，無論他是不是日本國籍，他已經把日本深深的埋入心田；對於中國當他漠視哪些逃命的華裔時，他們的國民，哪些擁有中國血統的人，無論他住在何處，他們的心已經在不知不覺中遠離中國，這一點中國永遠不會明白。而這正是中國人多力弱的原因，也是臺灣人更向往日本的重要原因。 
    


    看看現在的中國政府，自己的人民在印度尼西亞被當地的災民搶掠，95年數萬名華人被印尼人燒殺強姦，我都替中國人感到難過，而現在，居然中國捐給印尼上千萬的款項，我們日本比中國富裕幾十倍，都只捐了百萬美元的款項。我真的不得不說中華民族是一個劣等民族，他們沒有榮譽感，他們可以對同胞的苦難置若罔聞，他們可以忘記前輩的恥辱，這是一個沒有思維的民族，永遠只能跟在他們民族腐敗無能的政府後面對著世界裝出一副大度的樣子，其實世界上有幾個國家看得起這個劣等民族？他們還在做著白日夢，以爲自己算老幾？雖然我也不喜歡高麗人，但是韓國人對我們日本的仇視起碼還讓人感到不舒服，對於喜歡舔我們屁股的中國人，那簡直讓我們仇恨的資格都沒有了，如果光舔我們日本人的屁股也說的過去，畢竟我們是世界上數一數二的強國，中國人居然還去舔印尼這種下等國家的屁股，我真的對這個民族的劣根性無話可說了，他們國家有大量的人連飯都吃不飽，上億人還在貧困中，他們居然會把錢捐給燒殺過強姦過自己同胞的印尼人，我真的沒見過還有比中華民族更無恥的民族了。謹以此文獻給我的朋友青木哲也、中山俊治，希望你們不要再去同情印尼人，去給他們捐款，也不要再和學校的中國人交什麽朋友了。


 


看完了。許久，我喘不過氣來。我能說什麽？


然而更讓人心痛的還在後面。看看下面的圖片，大陸很難看到的。我不怕自己的網葉被封，封了還可以重新申請，雖然我知道我在冒險。


 



綠色台灣人，海峽對岸的中國人（就算他們不承認），你們的奴性更讓人髮指、作嘔！


 



國泰民安？！


 



這面旗幟代表了什麽？


 



紅色已經被玷污了。


 



日本人的走狗，中國近現代歷史上從來都不少。最讓我難受的是，圖像左下方的孩子。


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


中華文化，你要朝何方行進？


 
17.4.05 17:53


Return to normal

After the "political entry" that stirred up some unexpected ripples, I spent a whole day composing myself, thinking why I was so angry. I came up with two reasons: 1) I am a young patriot, who is acutely aware of those sufferings my nation once had, some of which it is still having; 2) My brian is not only adrenalized by excessive androgen, but also overdosed by coffee.


Disagreements and misunderstandings are, in a way, inevitable. I' ve always been telling myself not to be irrational with whatever comes at you. But it' s just beyond my control sometimes. Do all young men lose temper? Probably.


Anyway, I apologize for any irritation caused. I' ll try my best to avoid another rash posting like a retorting arse.

20.4.05 16:41


Inherent tragedy

Some say a person' s immediate memory lasts for not more than 20 years, meaning one could only recall its memorable things within the past 20 years, or remember things from the day they happen and keep that part of memory in the next 20 years.


I doubt it though. Right now I' m 22. According to the rule above, I' m supposed to be able to recall things happend when I' m a two-year-old kid. But apparently I can' t. Even with the help of my childhood tape recordings or photos, all I could recall are only fragments of that part of memory. I' d rather make the "memory rule" modified to be applied only to grown-ups over the age of 25, perhaps even older. Only one thing is for sure: one would be greatly influenced by its memory, along with those postnatal factors that shape its lifetime behavior since its early stage.


Last Thursday afternoon, I was sitting by the campus lake, writting down in my notebook some birthday wishes for a friend. It was hot that day--the assertion that there' s no real springtime in Wuhan seems to be true. At one moment hot sunshine would shrivel every lesser human and animal to death, icy pouring rain would extinguish every bit of heat on earth the next. 


So, I bought a bottle of red tea to quench my thirst, putting it beside me as I sat on the edge of the lakeside lawn. I was buried for the wishes when suddenly a young boy ran over and grabbed my bottle, then stood still holding it firmly with his little right hand. It was a kid so little as he was not even up to my nose when I was sitting there. Looking at his face, I saw two innocent eyes, so pure and a little bit frightened. I was also frightened by this "sudden act of robbery" but was more of being confused: was he thirsty? If he was, I' d be happy to give him the bottle and let him enjoy; Or, was it a mere curiosity for the crimson liquid?


But afterwards...


"No, honey. Don' t take it. The bottle is not empty and the uncle(Yike, I was entitled "uncle" again.) will be drinking the water." A woman' s voice from behind the boy. It was his grandmother.


I then moved my eyes up to the grandmother. A wrinkled old woman with grey hair. She was quite neatly dressed, so was her grandson. In a flash, I came up with a clue: she is probably a part-time recycler, unlike those are seen in city streets with shabby clothes and a big sack on the shoulder. Generally, recyclers come into metropolis from rural area. They collect empty bottles like Coke cans or other beverage bottles or whatever can be recycled and sell them for money. I said she could only be a "part-time" because of her neat appearence. Plus she has a grandson, something implys that she has a family and her own place to live--urban recyclers are mostly vagrants.


The grandmother then lifted her boy up in her arms and walked away, leaving me sitting still, stunned. The boy probably had seen my bottle from afar and ran over here for it. But what are the odds of a kid grabbing the bottle without knowing why? He merely grabs it and hands it to her nanny because he once saw her doing the same thing or simply she told him to do so. To him, seeing a bottle and picking it up has become a conditioned reflex. No doubt, her grandmother, a part-time recycler driven for any potential money, shaped his behavior subconsciously, even though she is not aware at all of how sad this could be and how terribly her "instigation" could influence his future behavior. I feel sad for the old woman, who might be suffering a tough life, but more so for her child--the future of her family.


I wonder what kind of "conditioned reflex" I had at the boy' s age. Rummaging in my memory for a while, I came up with nothing but emptiness. It' s hard to imagine if I were like the boy. He is exposed to a home environment completely different from mine. I always believe family influence to be the most important factor that shape a child' s personality that determines its destiny--the boy might become an oppurtunitist or something even worse when he grows up. What could his boyhood memory be at my age? Compared with the boy, I could only be grateful for my childhood experiences and what I had at his age.


Yet sadness was all I had at that moment. How many grandmothers and grandsons like them could there be around the country? I know the number is countless, or even astronomical--population is what China doesn' t lack, espacially the impoverished population. 


And how about the whole world?


 
23.4.05 11:04


Laughing my arse off over THIS

看看這個，大四女生婚後一年欲離婚。


A senior girl to divorce her husband after their one-year marriage. 


The husband cried inconsolably before authorities of the wife' s school for help. He hoped that the school could step in to mediate and persuade his little wife to take her words back.


Terms that prohibit marriage among college students were removed in the new Marriage Registration Regulations, meaning everyone of us over the minimum age for marriage(22 for male, 20 for female) is allowed to getting married.


This is a hilarious reform, which is destined to cause our over-burdened school leaders truckloads of letters of complaint, or simply to have an influx of cry-for-helps. Like that pathetic husband. LOL


If a couple were to getting married, what are they going to live on? Making their livings completely by themselves is a forlorn idea. At least one of them has studies to complete--that takes a large proportion of time during college, let alone set aside some extra hours to make money. Finincial support from parents? Yeah, unless you tell me you maintain your own marriage that way.  


Most importantly, marriage is NOT a game everyone could play. Students are not ready either financially or mentally to get on the ship of marriage. They can' t afford its high maintenance.


But I really feel for the poor husband. How unfortunate he was to have been married such a poignant young wife.


Oops, this story even deepened my cynicism.


離吧離吧，早接早離，多好。
24.4.05 15:56


Something you might be familiar with ...

  


Ok. Just tell me how many "faces" can you see in this melange? I'll let you know my answer right after yours.

27.4.05 08:37